Adjusting, Cycle 1, Day 2

Joe and I started shifting gears last night. In our busy hilarity all day at the Chemo Lounge, we kinda set aside some information that the oncologist, Dr. Maloney, had given us. Funny how we only really remembered it at bed-time, when it hit us both pretty hard. That's when we were both pretty sad about what's happening to Joe. I know they say this is the cancer to get if you insist on getting it. We had both hoped that the cancer would be isolated, and are still mad and sad that it's there at all.

As a result of the PET-scan, that disgusting test where they injected Joe with radioactive glucose on Monday, we now know that Joe's lymphoma is a Stage 3 -- in other words, it is found on both sides of his diaphragm. I took notes, and what I remember is that they saw active uptake (i.e., hungry bad cancer cells eating up the radioactive sugar) in the area of his right tonsil, right mandible, right armpit, middle of his back, left lung, left pelvis. Damn it. Even though Dr. Maloney has been telling us for a week that the Staging doesn't change the course of treatment, we are still sad about this. We would prefer just the one Potato, being sorta monogamous about our tumors. Instead we're poly-tumorous. And actually that may be going too far: Dr. Maloney didn't say anything about tumors, just active uptake...

As of yesterday the bone-marrow biopsy results were not conclusive, but the interim news on that was that so far it was negative - meaning not in the bone marrow. That's good. Reminder that finding evidence of lymphoma in the bone marrow pushes Joe to Stage 4. We really don't want this. Again, it wouldn't change the treatment, but still...

Joe is feeling pretty shitty today, tired and off his food. Yesterday was a really, really big day, so it's no wonder his body is shocked with everything he was put through. The psychological impact of it is also not small.

So yesterday we were silly funny clowns of chemo, but today I think we're both sad. I would give anything for Joe not to have to go through this. It's still just so hard to believe, so hard to accept. But we're also trying to go one day at a time and stay as happy and in love with each other and life as possible.