Wednesday, October 19, 2011

sleep is the linchpin

desk puja ;>
This glorious day, I declared to a colleague earlier this morning, bursting with joy, is entirely made possible for me by Ambien.

Yes, it's true. Today is my first day of no-heachache after four days of headache.  It wasn't a life-destroying migraine, but a persistent, nagging, joy-suck of a pain that made everything less-pleasant for four days.  Starting Friday morning, all through the weekend, into Monday.  Nothing I swallowed did any good..  Nothing.  Finally, last night I decided to throw down the gauntlet once and for all -- swallow the Ambien and sleep for 8 hours straight, free of churning thoughts.

And sleep I did.  Solid.  Hard.  Straight.


I woke up this morning and lingered a bit in bed, moving gingerly, testing the edges of where the headache had been.  Was it truly gone?  Or was it just hidden in the fluffy comfort of this much-needed sleep-fuzz?  Gingerly probing, sending out a mental tentacle.  You there?

Well and truly gone.

Which makes me jump around like Snoopy, prance like Mr Burns.  Everything is beautiful.  I can see clearly. Every moment is liberated, I'm drunk on the freedom of no longer operating in that too-familiar dull painful fog.

Sleep: it's the linchpin, the essential without which the wheels well and truly slip off.

I'm serious.  If I don't sleep, everything goes straight to hell.  Slowly at first, then snowballing, until I'm four days into a headache.  And really not happy. How could it take me so long to arrive at this manifesto: Solid sleep is the linchpin of her personal happiness program.

I know Seth Godin wrote a book called Linchpin, all about making yourself indispensable at work, bla bla bla.  The linchpin that I'm talking about is internal -- not about how you can be successful while pursuing your passion and being yourself, bla bla bla. [Note: I have nothing against either of these ideas, both of which I exaggerated for reasons of flow.]  It's like I've had my own little a-ha moment (or ha ha moment, as in someday you'll laugh about this.  Thanks, Modern Family).

Ha ha, a-ha: I suddenly realize that I don't need a long To Do list.  Nope, I only have to do one thing right; the rest will take care of itself.

All I have to do is sleep.

Easy and yet the hardest thing for me.  But if I can just nail it, then everything is golden.  The sun is always shining and I'm right there with little sable-monkey Mr Burns, drinking in the delight of each moment with my whole self, wagging.


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