I had a particularly crap day at work yesterday, eleven hours' worth of progressive demoralization. Really just utter crap. Woke up this morning after a night of stressy dreams with an incipient migraine (stress- and poor sleep-related), and saw again the newspiece about the SeaWorld trainer who was drowned yesterday by a captive orca. Now duh, of course, I know this story has nothing whatever to do with me, really, but it helped crystallize some thinking for me about wildness and freedom.
Honestly, my first reaction to the drowning was "Good." That might sound awful, callous, inhuman, but honestly, I instantly wished that all captive orcas would do the same, until we finally get the message and stop thinking we can keep them in the conditions we do.
And yeah, because I have a few powers of perception, I can see how that reaction is not entirely divorced from my lame, demoralizing experience of yesterday at work. I instantly went a little Orca myself and mentally took my own captors to the bottom of the pool.
At the immersion now two weeks ago, I kept coming back to one thought, which, of course, I see as a slogan on a t-shirt: Show Your Self. That seemed like the most important task we all have while we're alive: to be who we really are in all of our magnificence. And sometimes when we do so, we end up eating our captors.
[Since nothing is coincidental, I am also remembering that Martine relayed a blogpost from Zhenya late last week, relating the story of Kali eating the Raja Biktas. To read or listen to the whole thing, go here http://tinyurl.com/yz2h9ty Intense how the message just keeps getting louder until we pay attention, right?]
I'm late for work but this seems like the place I should be right now, working out this Thursday Orca mood, unraveling my desire to eat my captors, to break free, to return to my pod. Maybe we should all take advantage of this reminder to check in with who we really are, magnificent free creatures who should be doing only exactly what we are. Doing tricks might be entertaining, and it might bring in the cash, but damn, what a tiny little piece of how fierce and beautiful we truly are.