Four a.m. is the appointed hour for me -- the magical time at which, if I've been insomniac (today, since 1am), I can get up, press Go on the coffee pot, and start the day. The waiting to rise is all about trying to wait out the sleeplessness, see if sleep will take me back. But it also has a way of turning the rising into a kind of mini Christmas for me -- I long for the moment, excitement building. Absurd, yes, but such is my sleepless lot.
I keep my room as dark as possible. The only light is whatever light is in the sky naturally. Some nights, full moon nights, that's too much for me and I lower the blinds. I moved the digital clock a long time ago so that it's still in the room, but out of my immediate sight and blocked entirely by the mounds our bodies make under the blankets. Anyway, I keep it dark since dark and quiet are the required conditions for my snooze. If I could leave a window open year round, I would do that, too, but such is my married lot.
But there are times, lots of them, when -- despite managing my requisite sleep conditions -- I am nevertheless awake, reveling in the dark and quiet, having ideas and solving problems to the tune of the twinned breathing of husband and dog. Sometimes I get to hear owls or wonder at the scrabbling and other animal sounds in the yard. It is, ironically, dreamy.
And at 4, I can finally slip out of bed and get started. At last. Later on I may feel a little loopy (which slows me down enough, actually, to make me more bearable at work, I think), but right now I am loving it. Loving it in the same way I love jetlag - in that I feel like I am inhabiting my own time, unbound by schedule, awake when I'm awake, enjoying it, being inside my head all by myself.
It's possible this is just insomniac raving, but I was wondering -- sometime between 3 and 4 am -- how many revolutions have insomnia as their source. I mean, really: sometime between 2 and 3am, I worked out all of my own problems (I'm serious), so it doesn't seem all that unlikely that others have used this special time to tackle and solve bigger issues. Imagine, French revolutionaries, powdered wigs gleaming just out of sight on the dresser, figuring out their society's ills and hatching their plans in the middle of the night. Among others. Unfortunately, my quick Google yielded only insomnia cures (as if!), so so far, that I know of, none of the other insomniac revolutionaries have written about this.
I may need a nap later on, or to be earlier to bed even than usual, but right now I am enjoying being awake. Especially because I really, really did work out all of my problems, which is a whole separate post that I'll work on when I'm done with this one. I have time, right? After all, it's not even 5 yet. ;)