I am awake this morning -- really awake for the first in months -- after my first night of sleeping-pill-assisted sleep. I was asleep before 9am, awake around 5:30, which represents plenty of hours. After months of insomnia-riddled nights, I am feeling so much better this morning. Yes, I woke up a couple of times, but went immediately back to sleep, no endless mental knitting of every problem under the sun.
What a relief!
And what took me so long?
I put off calling the doctor for a long time, watching to see if the situation would improve on its own, which, of course, it did not. The doctor is convinced that my problem is anxiety (and can you blame me given everything that's going on in my family?). Addressing my lack of sleep should restore my sunny outlook on things and provide the resilience I need to face all these damn challenges.
I don't like turning to pharmaceuticals. Even with the migraines, I resist it, to my own detriment. So I got to learn again about the value of asking for help sooner rather than later, and the value of swallowing help sooner rather than later.
Ridiculous how much better I feel today with just 8 hours of solid shut-eye. I am so looking forward to this day and feel like I'm back to who I really am.