Monday, January 2, 2012

all this right here? premeditated, partner...

There's a scene towards the beginning of The 40 Year Old Virgin when Steve Carrell's character asks his very handsome and dapper colleague for advice on how to be more attractive. I've mimicked his colleague's response -- both the words and the gestures -- countless times since I first saw it. Really, it's that good.
I mean, look, dude. You think this, all of this, was an accident?  All of this right here? Premeditated, partner. 
I've been thinking about this because Look, DUDE, having a body, let alone a 40+-year-old body, requires a LOT, some might say a shit-ton, of premeditation.  The maintenance just takes so much time, especially over the past month, and I can't see that changing.  Until, well, until it changes for good.    

Having a body and taking care of it is seriously a full-time job.  Seriously, in the past month I spent so many hours on upkeep, it's kind of blowing my mind.  All of this right here: pre-freakin'-meditated, as follows:

The insides, the back.
    Ew, I had that colonoscopy in December, and the endoscopy, not to mention three visits so far related to this back issue I'm having.  More appointments ahead, with body workers, for the back, not to mention that I have to have the dreaded smashogram (read: mammogram) in January.  There's been mention of an MRI in roughly a month if the back-thing doesn't resolve itself on its own.

The hair.
     I do not regret a single minute spent at Siren Salon in San Anselmo, where I am in a state of bliss from the moment I walk in the door, but just sayin': the commitment to a beautiful head of hair requires a commitment of hours.  Waxing of other hair is a fast but essential aspect of the upkeep -- one which I'd been skipping at my own peril.  Really, it's just heinous what happens when I am deluded into thinking this is a task an amateur can handle. Incorrect.

The eyes.
     As I've bragged and bla-bla'ed elsewhere, I got new glasses in December, which means an eye exam and check-up on my macula.  Picking up my new specs yesterday -- which I thought would be just here they are, see ya -- turned into a small spectacle (hardy har har) as George, my very large optician sitting at a very small desk, trimmed and shaped the earpieces, replaced and adjusted the nose pads, resulting in glasses which do not slide down my nose, not even if I violently shake my head.  Nice!  (And might I say, investing in the transition feature, so that the lenses of my glasses tint when I am in bright light, was so, so worthwhile.)

The teeth.
     OK, I didn't see the dentist in December, but that's coming in January.  Like the hair, I actually do like getting the teeth cleaned -- I always learn something.

The heart, in general.
     Into this category I am lumping all of the time I spend getting exercise.  Before, I mean before I was injured and even before that, when I was on my years-old old schedule, I was taking about 5 yoga classes a week, so spending about 7.5 hours in class + the time it would take me to get there and back.  Over the course of 2011 I changed -- cut back on my time in class, until finally, in November I stopped altogether.  This is probably part of why my back is jacked (also lifting the 26-, then 35-, now over 50-pound puppy).  But I've been unwilling to make the trade-off I used to make so easily, of being in class in the evenings instead of being home.  Since Mr Burns came to live with us, my circumstance really have changed -- I can't trade away time I would otherwise be able to spend with him.   Now that puppy's broken toe is almost 100%,, back injury be damned, exercising my heart and keeping my inner dog well-run.  So that's about an hour a day, more on the weekends whenever possible.

And of course, a resolution for 2012 is to lighten up, part with some of the extra weight I packed on in 2011, so there will be even more time devoted to my body in 2012, considering what I eat, paying more attention.

Look, it's hard to complain when you consider the alternatives.  I can't be one of those people who lets it all go come middle-age, puts on the elastic-waist pants and shuffles along in ugly shoes.  If I'm gonna be here, then for F's sake, the investment of time in looking my best and being my best is worth it, even if it galls me a little sometimes, makes me feel a little superficial, narcissistic and self-involved.

Rocking middle age 24/7 is a full-time gig.  I can gripe about the hours, but I can't argue with the outcome. ;>

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