Saturday, October 17, 2009

Cycle 2, Day 4: The Grind

This has been a rough four days. This time around Joe was plagued by the hiccups for the first couple of days, with the delightful addition of motion sickness and burning esophagus, along with nausea. He did ride his bike from and to work on Thursday and Friday, and today rode out and back to watch the Lion of Fairfax Race. Pretty tough for a guy who's mid-chemo and living with the side effects! And cute, too, as this photo amply demonstrates...

For my part, I have been, I will admit, a crabby bitch. I resist taking sleeping pills or anti-anxiety stuff at bedtime, only then to lay awake for hours at night, stomach grinding, which sets me up for a migraine and aforementioned crabbiness. Stupid! Joe tries not to complain, but he has genuine complaints and needs support. I sometimes hit a wall with the misery show, and I'm not the nicest nurse on the planet. Yes, we are perfect in our imperfection.

So this is what I mean by The Grind: the debilitating effects of the chemo on Joe, the Groundhog Day feel of this (oh no, not this again), the appearance of new unpleasant symptoms, the sorrow we both feel that his eyebrows are going now, the difficulty in remembering that it won't always be like this. Ugh, really, just the opposite of fun. So very easy to fall into a hole about it.

Which is probably why we were both so excited today to get the letter from Joe's doctor stating that he "may derive benefit from the use of medicinal marijuana." If nothing else, we'll have a new experience, check out the pot club scene in Fairfax (hurray, more blog-fodder), maybe come away with another way to deal with the anxiety and sheer boredom of feeling crappy.

I am grateful every second for the love of family and friends through this. If we had to be in this hole by ourselves, it would really suck, but anytime we need one, and even when we forget we do, a hand appears to haul us out of the misery and remind us both that this is so temporary and will be so worth it when we're done.


Nancy D. said...

I love how you say "we'll have a new experience" in the pot paragraph! Haha, the perscription I believe will be for Joe and not Joe and his wife!
But it sounds like you'll both benefit greatly! LOve it and you both!

Anonymous said...

oh yea, the fairfax club ROCKS. You get to go up and sit at the "pot" cafe bar. They have a menu on the back wall with all types of amazing bud - they will bring any out that you want to try. - or at least look at and smell.... They have gum, tincture - for your aching muscles. brownies and cookies too. It's a kick! The future if it was legal.


ChloJoMama said...

A. I have a great sleep aid you may want to try. Yogi tea makes a 'Bedtime' tea. I was a non-sleeper ever since the hysterectomy and this has cured my problem (yes, after ten years of that B.S.). The best thing, now I don't even need it, somehow it hit the reset button for me.

Hang in there and be sure to care for yourself. Without self care we can't offer much to others. So sleep! Whatever it takes.

Ariana said...

The small chocolate chip cookies (which say they are one dose) are very nice and an easy way to take off the edge and help (both of) you feel better.

I recommend only eating 1/3 to a 1/2 a cookie. It might not bring back appetite and certainly doesn't help with eyebrow growth, but it provides a well-needed shift (and helps with the bitchiness too). XO